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Writer's pictureElf Lyons

New Years Resolutions


New Years Resolutions

How to be the BEST ME for 2018

- Quit the gym.

- Sleep in more.

- Eat when I am hungry.

- Only eat food that look like joy.

- Wear tighter clothes.

- Go to the science museum any time I say "THERE IS NOTHING TO DO!".

- Aim to keep a balanced weight of 11stone and 11stone 12 pounds - fluctuating depending on how I feel, how cold it is, how much I really do want to go swimming a 7am, how much my period makes me long for chocolate and the fact my body is not an android and sometimes just likes to expand at its own sweet rhythm.

- Play the tambourine more.

- Refer to my belly forever more as "My sexy dough stomach of fun" or "My goddess tray" when lying in bed balancing biscuits off it whilst watching netflix.

- Admit to everyone that I am one of the major contributing factors to Ed Sheeran's constant success and I will not be made to feel ashamed any longer.

- Only buy second hand.

- Cut down from having sex 100 times a week, to 50 times a week, and use the new 50 minutes I have acquired to eat biscuits and dance around my room to the X (deluxe) album.

- Accept and stop trying to hide the hedgehog hormonal neck hair that has started to appear. It is clearly Mother Natures way of telling me to save money on scarfs.

- Embrace the hair that has started to pop out around my boobs and see how long I can get it before I can braid it and dye it different colors. - Every time my period arrives treat myself to a solo cinema trip to one of those posh places where they serve you cocktails throughout the film. And dress in black tie. - Learn the Electric Guitar. - Only read books I like and want to read.

-Remind myself that anyone who says that Labyrinth is "overrated" is probably not a babe I need reminding of.

- Spend more money on good socks

- Learn all the dance routines to Bring It On.

- Speak fluent Latin.


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